Dear Rihanna,

I like you.  A lot. Honestly speaking, even your haters can’t deny that you’ve produced some of the most memorable pop songs of the past decade.  Unfortunately, your new single, “Diamonds,” isn’t one of them.

I really wanted to like it, Riri. Seriously. I even purchased it on iTunes without even hearing it first because I just KNEW you’d deliver a pop gem that I’d be humming for weeks.

But you didn’t. And you made me waste $1.29.

I don’t care if it’s only $1.29 — I want a Rih-fund!

The song just kind of sits there. No climax. No great beat. No fun hook. Just, “Shine bright like a diamond,” over and over again. It’d make an okay album filler or B-side, but as your first single, it falls a little short of your past glories. I know I’m in the minority on this one because everyone else is raving about this song, but it’s dull. Sorry.

Riri, you should take a break. This is your seventh album in seven years. Time away will allow you to come back with something a little hotter than these diamonds that are making me itch and turning my neck green.