Dear Mitt Romney,

Throughout this campaign, you’ve held every conceivable position on virtually all the issues. Man, you’ve got more positions than a $2 prostitute. For the past few months, I’ve watched your blatant lying and flip-flopping, and I wondered, “When is the REAL Mitt Romney going to show up?” Yesterday, you emerged via a discreetly-recorded video from one of your closed-door fundraisers, where you turned multiple political tricks for your wealthy cronies.

“There are 47% of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47% who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you name it…These are people who pay no income tax, 47% of Americans pay no income tax. So our message of low taxes doesn’t connect. So he’ll (President Obama) be out there talking about tax cuts for the rich. I mean, that’s what they sell every four years. And so my job is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them that they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives. What I have to do is convince the five to ten percent in the center that are independents, that are thoughtful, that look at voting one or the other depending upon in some cases emotion, whether they like the guy or not.”

Mittens, you’re even uglier than I originally thought. You don’t like 47% of Americans, do you?

Tough. You can’t pick and choose who you’re going to serve as president. You have to lead us all. But, based on all the stupid things you’ve been saying, you won’t be leading America anywhere. You aren’t fit to be elected dog catcher, much less POTUS. Get it together. Scratch that — keep screwing up.

Obama 2012.